Christmas又過去了…

歡渡完我最愛節日Christmas!  今年你做過什麼?

搬入新居接近一年, first time
BBQ! 買個新grill and need to put it together.  但係對於老老絕冇難庋!

兩隻monsters一定係玩, 食, and 攪破懷!

呢隻絕對係一隻謂食豬!

至於家姐, eat bread only!

Snowman 係我!  Santa 係老老!

有party, of course got to have wine!

At night, 老老 and I were chatting.  We were talking about New Year goal.  2011 was not a really good year for us.  Well, at least we are all healthy.  最近係腦海成日出現"係咁假啦!"  係work place 俾人蝦, 係home 俾D monsters 點來 點去, 好tired, life not smooth, I would say to myself...係咁假啦  This is life.  老老says I give up, 冇heart!  But what else I can do?  For my work and career, I am totally lost.  I have been waiting for 4 years, still no answer!  What else I can do?  I am very admire people working on their dream jobs.  Or at least going to work with a smiling face.

I really want a change.  I don't want to waste any time.  But where I can start?

Anyway, I wish everyone have a happy new year!  No more BS in this world.  Hahaha...

A song

First of all, I am not that old.  Well...I am old (34 years old).  I really like a song 甄妮-一脸是红.  She is a famous singer (in the past)?  I don't really listen to her songs, but I really like this song.  I finally did a deep search on the internet, and I found a link.  This song was from her "Jenny" album year 1989.  In 1989, I was still 12 years old, but I already love songs very much, especially Cantonese songs.  

This song is about a woman lost her love one, and she was drunk.  I even remember few words from the song.  All these years, I would think of this song while I was drunk.  Yeah...my life was a mess before I met my husband.  I made myself drunk, looked at the mirror seeing my face turned red, remembered this song.  This kind of life...I still remember one night, I was drunk again, I was sitting the stairs outside my house, crying, pointing to the sky...asking where my parent.  Well my old time was a mystery.  Bad relationship, betrayed by best friend...today I listen to this song again...this song is already 22 years ago.  


http://www.xiami.com/song/detail/id/167462

做人父母甚困難

昨晚好唔開心, 真真正正教訓大妹(當然有體罰).  見到佢pat pat 傷痕, 好心痛,
又好嬲!  佢足足用了三個小時食飯, 但係都not finished.  一直含住口入面, 叫佢吞落去, 死都唔肯! 非常十分頑強,
罰佢standing outside the door, 都係唔吞!  呢種臭脾氣, 似邊個?  (silent...)

成三歲人就似二歲, 同班同學高佢成個頭! 體重保持25lbs!  零食就open mouth,
cookies, ice-cream 係best friend! 正餐就咪bother
佢!  食啦,  食啦,
講到口水乾!  我連亞wu婆都出, no use!  What can I do?

Go to sleep 之前同佢講”你唔食, mimi 就唔再錫你.” 佢竟然話”ok!”Few
minutes later, 就went to sleep!  唔使食, mimi都可以give up!  之後我好down, 辛苦take care 佢, cook something she likes, cheap on myself but not on
her.  最後result 係咁!  半夜佢
wake up pee pee, 見到佢pat pat 傷痕,
佢話”mimi, sorry, 叫亞wu婆go away!” 之後, I cried…抱住佢, cried…

She is just 3 years old, 要教好佢,
so hard!  Still have long way to go!

We got a new BBQ grill yesterday.  We are going to have our own BBQ party on Christmas!  

 

作家夢

從少有一個夢想, 做一個編劇or作家, 因為最愛幻想!  嘗試投稿, 試幾次冇回複就冇再試, 心想寫得差,文法又差,故事又無聊, 邊個會睇?  最重耍係美國住20年, 中文真係有限公司!

最近clean up 發現自己舊作, 再睇番先知自己都冇才華!  來來去去都寫相同故事, 自己感覺, 對事見解!  但係再睇又幾有趣, 發覺自己真的長大了! 思想己經唔同.

今日係公司又發現自己舊日記, 2010年...老老買本新notebook俾我, 好like, 幻想自己係個女仔, 坐係地下發夢!

人係耍有dream, 冇就好迷失!  但係如何and幾時先至dream come true?  Haha...I don't know!  今日就用小小時間去 think about it!

Friday 的一天

Friday 放假, 係厔企take care 細妹.  佢對住洗衫籃, 都可以玩一餐!!  直頭當佢好似山洞!!!



我都冇佢咁好氣, 尤得佢自由發揮!!



之後同佢去行街, 佢好"lum" elmo...actually elmo有D乜咁special?  一隻紅色monster + 一個1歲monster....



返屋企食lunch...好鍾意映佢近鏡!

更加喜歡佢笑!!!!  mimi love u !


老老送Christmas gift...

人生目標+8 週年

終於放完10日假期, 係厔企湊囡好開心,就好似回到生完放產假日子!  但係話咁快,又come to the end!

呢10日見住細妹, 抱住佢接大妹放學, 成個家庭主婦, 係屋企做housework, 每日都忙過不停, 但係非常開心,有滿足感!  心想我人生目標就耍做一個入得廚房出得廳堂女人(係quote from 我老公...even 係冇乜說服力).  但係現今社會, 一份收入係餓唔死, 二份收入就可以俾到大細妹更好生活.

所以耍懂得好好安排畤間, 耍照顧家人飲食, 屋企耍乾淨, 耍用心教導大細妹, listen大細妹生活喜and悲!  耍同老公多溝通, 多D互"電", 生活多D火花and 情趣!  仲有last but not least, 耍keep住個look!  就冇走雞!尤其相識已經8年, 老公有時都好sweet!

8年後, 仲有花收!

就快到Christmas, 每年我至愛日子!  今年Christmas tree 好快出動!

wow...I am so happy

It has been a long time that I did not check my blog! Finally I see there are few people actually reading my post! Haha...I am so happy...I can share my feeling with
others!

But I can't write Chinese now, I left my written board at work! I am currently on my vacation for 2 weeks. My mother-in-law is in Hong Kong now, so I have to stay home and take care my baby! Oh...my younger girl is walking now, she just turned 1 year last month. She is walking around the house now. I am so happy, because she is no longer a baby, she is my little independent girl (or monster).

Last week, my hunsband finally had our first 1-day vacation or break. Our girls stayed and slept over at grandma's house. Even thought I missed them so much, but it was great that I could have a break after 3 years of non-stop duties. what did we do? Nothing, we stayed home and sleeping. Actually my husband was sleeping like a pig, but I
could not sleep. At the end, I decided to watch a DVD "Welcome to Rileys" Kristen Steward. It was a good movie, I love her acting. Or I love her being Bella. Haha, I am also a big fan of Twilight Saga. Breaking Dawn is out today, but too bad, I have to wait until my inlaw is back from her trip. I can just go online and review people comments about this movie! Wait wait wait...

So what else we did on our break? We had a very expensive dinner....but the dinner was GREAT! The food was great, we had steak, hamachi, mushroom...and of course
WINE!...

We were lucky that the girls were doing great.  They had no problem to sleep or eat.  Haha...maybe my husband and I can start planning for our next big trip! 

Huge Hamachi shot, no word can describe how good it was...

My favorite...oyster!

She is 1 now!

I read a news today that made me cry.  The news is about a pregnant woman refused to do chemotherapy for her cancer.  She was pregnant after broke up with her boyfriend, but she decided to keep the baby.  After few months of struggle, she delivered her immature baby.  Both of them were in weak condition.  Finally the mother could hold her baby girl once before she died.  

I cried after reading this news.  I don't know why, I am so emotion after my younger daughter was born.  I feel very sad after reading or hearing any tragic news regarding about babies.  I just could not stand it.  I have a very strong connect with my younger daughter (of course, I love my older daughter deeply too).  Yesterday, my younger girl turned 1.  I feel so happy and sad...why sad?  I am scared...one day, both of them don't need me anymore.  Now, I always complaint about taking care of them everyday.  No time to rest, no private time, blah la blah la...actually I enjoyed it.  One day if they care take care themselves, no more changing diaper (actually my older girl is diaper free now), no need to shower them, no need to feed them..what would I do?  I always think that they need me so much, I am very important to them.  On the other hand, I need them so much, and I could not live without them too.  I love them both...of course, I love my husband too....hahahaha.....

The world without cancer...

Steve Job is dead, I found out from Facebook.  I was shocked, well...expected, since he had been fighting with cancer for several years.  I just feel shocked that he passed away before the next new iphone release.  I watched his 2005 Stanford address on youtube, and he mentioned about his cancer.  The doctor told him that he could only live for 3 to 6 months.  At then end, he lived for 6 years.  His courage made him alive for 6 years instead of months.  However, he still could not win this battle.  

Cancer...is killing hundreds and thousands of people around the world.  Including...my parent.  I always think ...what if the world without cancer, maybe a lot of our love ones would still be around.  Watching them get old, grey hair, wrinkles...but at the moment, no one has find a way to cure cancer.  We can only watching our love one....die!  

My boss' wife is suffering cancer too.  I can tell that my boss is very sad and down.  He is always taking days off and taking care his wife.  After being with his wife for over 30 years, I understand it is hard for him say goodbye to his wife...

The life is full of choices, but we can't choose how long we can live.  If the god wants to take your life away, you can't say no.  Feel sad...Today, I have been thinking about this quote "Live hungry, live foolish!"  I will remember it.  

Just hope one day...we don't have to scare of cancer anymore.  One day...

Want a boy?

Time goes so fast, my oldest daughter turned 3 years old.  It seem like very long time ago, but it's only been three years.  In these years, my husband and I were working together and trying to give the best to her.  Lack of sleep, my dark eye circles, my stretch marks on my tummy, these are all gifts from my lovely daughter.  But...in the end, I am happy, she is all grown up now, sometimes she will give me a big smile and said.."mi mi, I love you!"

My younger daughter is turning one next month.  Yeah, I am getting old, as a 34-year-old with 2 daughters, I have to admit that I am a mother. Sometimes it is really funny, when I told people that I have 2 girls, the next question will be "when is the next one?"  or "I should try to have a boy!"  Most of the time I will just say..."No la..I am too old."  What do you expect me to say?  Of course, everyone want to have one boy and one girl..to me...I just want to have 2 kids...I have no more energy for monster #3!  Plus having one more kid is not easy, raising a happy kid is not easy, not only money, I have to make sure I got the time.  Plus what's wrong with 2 girls?  Yeah, chinese is concerning the last name thing.  but all I care about is..they are happy and have a real goal.  So please, I really don't want "want a boy" question again!

Responsibility

It has been a month since my last post.  Things are still the same, no new job, very
tired, and no hope.   My daughter was
sick over the long weekend, and I was so exhausted taking care the family.  I always said that I have a day and night
job.  I won’t be off until 930 PM every
night.  Last Saturday night, I was
drunk.  I finished 1 and half bottle of
red wine in less than 2 hours.  Why I finished
it in less than 2 hours?  Because I wanted to get myself drunk?  I wanted to feel
relax?  I don’t know.  I just feel that I am so tired.  There are too many things that I need to
finish.  I have too many responsibilities
in my hands. 

Sometimes I just want to forget everything, no need to wake
up at 630 everyday feeding my younger daughter, just let her cry.  I wish that I can sleep until 10 AM and wake
up and do nothing.  No need to clean up
the house, wash clothing, cooking, or feeding. 
I just want to be me!!!  But I can’t.  I gave them lives, so I have to take care of
them until…the day I die.  This is
life!  The next day…I had a mild headache
that I could not tell my husband. 
Otherwise he would say…it is all my fault, blah la blah la…well… I am a
mom of two, and I know what I am doing.  Even
I am tired or exhausted, but I still have to continue my life in the next
day.   

My daughter started new school.  She cried every morning.  She lost her smile.  I told her, she needs to be a happy girl.  I tried every way to make her life better;
all I want to see is her smile.  She needs
to be a happy girl.  Maybe I have to be a
happy woman too!  

Wish Wish Wish

一年又過左大半, 但係我仍然冇進步, 心裡面有好多願望, 永遠係紙上談兵!

話要轉工, or at least 真正做一個有IT title employee, 真係等了三年又三年, 老細話cut budget, 有lay off, 一轉個IT title, 份工就危危乎!  好! 我等!  以前覺得等機會, now 只係
等緊一個 magic moment!  因為老細睇死我飛唔起, 又成日唔出聲!  我真係好想飛出去!

但係我對翼未夠strong!  我耍study!  真正有一個IT related degree!  仲有6 堂, 加油!  我一定耍complete!  Even 我有二份工, 一份係二打六!  一份係阿四, 二個女阿媽 (簡稱阿四).
照顧佢二個仲busy 個番工!

仲有我好想又怕寫blog!  唔係lazy, 但係我唔識中文打字, 耍靠用手寫pad!  我wish I can keep it up! 

wish...wish...wish...在此祝大家心想事成!

夢

今晚發著同一個夢,  夢裡下著大雨, 天色黑沉, 遠處有一個背影.

應該是一個他, 他是誰?  當我行近他時候, 他便行遠一些. 

我呼喊著:”你是誰? 請等候! 這裡很喑, 我甚麼都看不見.”

他停下來回頭看我, 再轉身就急腳跑了.  他的側面好像一個人, 這張臉我在那裏砬過?

我提起雙腿跑前, 但他己消失在我視線. 不見他了, 他是誰, 這是什麼地方? 當我正著急之際我聽到..bi..bi..bi..bi.. 鬧鐘響了.

又是一天開始, 徂是我很期待今晚. 希望可以再次發夢, 可以看清他是誰!

何謂愛

最近有一位藝人話 ”我仍然好愛她, 但不知如何愛下去.”

如果你真心愛一個人, 應該肯為對方負出或者改變.  但當你不肯再為對方著想, 給多一點耐性, 所留下的愛, 應該己去到盡頭. 

有人話去愛一個人無需理由, 但當你不再愛他, 你自然要想盡千萬個理由令自己留彽.  到最後諗唔到唯有話這條路不知道如何行下去.  始終要分.

同樣當你太愛對方, 甚至多過對方愛自己. 一旦對方變心, 拒絕再接受你逃避你.  你情緒失控, 做出好多失常行為, 甚至憎恨對方.

再一次証明要塭伴侶, 都係搵個佢愛你多D先至幸褔.

灰灰的天

今日個天好灰同我心情好接近!

就係呢個窗口望足超過十年, 真係有D厭倦!  但係為左生活,女兒,幾討厭都耍撐下去.

我可能唔知足, 有人失業, 捱餓!  我起碼有兩餐溫飽.  但係人永遠係得一想二! 你握住架Honda, 就想耍架BMW! 有BMW就想耍架波子. 

但係我只要人尊重, 可惜永遠都係人善被人欺!  所以我耍be strong (雖然講過無數次), 唔係人人都可以叫我似野!  個個都話係priority!  Whatever!  耍繼續進修, 隨著IT一步一步進發!

Wish me luck!

 

爭做第一定第二

做第一有權有勢, 身邊每一個人都羡慕你, 封你做偶像.  同時你亦都耍承受好大壓力, 怕有一日被別人爬頭!

做第二就好似後補, 成條二奶命, 沒有人留意, 可有可冇!  同時壓力亦比人少, 自由自在!

我享受做阿二, 甚至阿三, 阿四!  唔係冇志氣!  係怕老…試諗下, 長期憂慮別人爬頭, 叻過自己, 呢個人一定失眠.  長期失眠唔老就假!

難答的問題

有一天, 友人問我舊男朋友的女朋友靚嗎? 

Hm...應該點回答?

講真一句, 這位新女友並不美, 但係如果照直說, 好似顯得我很小氣!  但她頂多只是順眼. 

係那一刻, 我只有O 形嘴!

最後我的答案係...OK la...見人見智! 

有冇發現永遠好難聽到女人讚其他女人 “靚”, 最多係形容為有氣質. 而且仲要係舊男朋友的女朋友.  更大方我都做不到!

運氣

有些人無需耍努力, 但係身邊有大把人幫自己。有些叻人, 做每件事非常努力, 但係耍成功, 耍比起平常人付出更多。

你耍好運, 定係聰明?  

從少自己都係一個蠢人, 仲係一個沒有運氣的蠢人!  這條人生路, 走得好難。但係我知足!  因為我耍常樂。 概然冇得變叻, 又冇幸運之神照住, 就唯有開心面對!