Want a boy?

Time goes so fast, my oldest daughter turned 3 years old.  It seem like very long time ago, but it's only been three years.  In these years, my husband and I were working together and trying to give the best to her.  Lack of sleep, my dark eye circles, my stretch marks on my tummy, these are all gifts from my lovely daughter.  But...in the end, I am happy, she is all grown up now, sometimes she will give me a big smile and said.."mi mi, I love you!"

My younger daughter is turning one next month.  Yeah, I am getting old, as a 34-year-old with 2 daughters, I have to admit that I am a mother. Sometimes it is really funny, when I told people that I have 2 girls, the next question will be "when is the next one?"  or "I should try to have a boy!"  Most of the time I will just say..."No la..I am too old."  What do you expect me to say?  Of course, everyone want to have one boy and one girl..to me...I just want to have 2 kids...I have no more energy for monster #3!  Plus having one more kid is not easy, raising a happy kid is not easy, not only money, I have to make sure I got the time.  Plus what's wrong with 2 girls?  Yeah, chinese is concerning the last name thing.  but all I care about is..they are happy and have a real goal.  So please, I really don't want "want a boy" question again!

Responsibility

It has been a month since my last post.  Things are still the same, no new job, very
tired, and no hope.   My daughter was
sick over the long weekend, and I was so exhausted taking care the family.  I always said that I have a day and night
job.  I won’t be off until 930 PM every
night.  Last Saturday night, I was
drunk.  I finished 1 and half bottle of
red wine in less than 2 hours.  Why I finished
it in less than 2 hours?  Because I wanted to get myself drunk?  I wanted to feel
relax?  I don’t know.  I just feel that I am so tired.  There are too many things that I need to
finish.  I have too many responsibilities
in my hands. 

Sometimes I just want to forget everything, no need to wake
up at 630 everyday feeding my younger daughter, just let her cry.  I wish that I can sleep until 10 AM and wake
up and do nothing.  No need to clean up
the house, wash clothing, cooking, or feeding. 
I just want to be me!!!  But I can’t.  I gave them lives, so I have to take care of
them until…the day I die.  This is
life!  The next day…I had a mild headache
that I could not tell my husband. 
Otherwise he would say…it is all my fault, blah la blah la…well… I am a
mom of two, and I know what I am doing.  Even
I am tired or exhausted, but I still have to continue my life in the next
day.   

My daughter started new school.  She cried every morning.  She lost her smile.  I told her, she needs to be a happy girl.  I tried every way to make her life better;
all I want to see is her smile.  She needs
to be a happy girl.  Maybe I have to be a
happy woman too!