Responsibility

It has been a month since my last post.  Things are still the same, no new job, very
tired, and no hope.   My daughter was
sick over the long weekend, and I was so exhausted taking care the family.  I always said that I have a day and night
job.  I won’t be off until 930 PM every
night.  Last Saturday night, I was
drunk.  I finished 1 and half bottle of
red wine in less than 2 hours.  Why I finished
it in less than 2 hours?  Because I wanted to get myself drunk?  I wanted to feel
relax?  I don’t know.  I just feel that I am so tired.  There are too many things that I need to
finish.  I have too many responsibilities
in my hands. 

Sometimes I just want to forget everything, no need to wake
up at 630 everyday feeding my younger daughter, just let her cry.  I wish that I can sleep until 10 AM and wake
up and do nothing.  No need to clean up
the house, wash clothing, cooking, or feeding. 
I just want to be me!!!  But I can’t.  I gave them lives, so I have to take care of
them until…the day I die.  This is
life!  The next day…I had a mild headache
that I could not tell my husband. 
Otherwise he would say…it is all my fault, blah la blah la…well… I am a
mom of two, and I know what I am doing.  Even
I am tired or exhausted, but I still have to continue my life in the next
day.   

My daughter started new school.  She cried every morning.  She lost her smile.  I told her, she needs to be a happy girl.  I tried every way to make her life better;
all I want to see is her smile.  She needs
to be a happy girl.  Maybe I have to be a
happy woman too!